Montessori With a Side of “ish” Part 2: How We Montessori
So what does Montessori with a side of “ish” look like in our home? Well, as I said in part 1, for us, it’s not full immersion, it’s a blend of different things. It’s grace, flow, and instinct. Even as a trained Montessorian, I don’t like to say that we are a Montessori family. We live with many of the Montessori principles in mind, but we combine them with other methods and beliefs that work for us. Before sharing a bit about what our days and rhythm look like, I want to touch on an important distinction about Montessori.
It is a philosophy and methodology that runs deep. In it’s purest form, Montessori is not simply theory and beliefs, nor is it just specific materials on a lovely shelf, presented in a very specific way, but the combination of all those things. It’s an environment rich with specific materials and stimuli that are designed for children at certain stages in development, and these stages are really only recognized through focused, dedicated observation of the child. In practice, Montessori is vastly different for a 2 year old, 4 year old, 8 year old, and so on. It may also vastly different for a group of children who are all the same age, because of course, they are all separate human beings at different places along a spectrum. Additionally, what one might practice in a school looks very different than what one might practice at home.
We don’t practice pure Montessori. I have a hard time being pure anything! We use a bit of Montessori, a bit of RIE, a bit of laziness, and a lot of instinct and respectful parenting. That’s what works for us!
Here are the principles that guide how we raise Bruce, as practiced from 0-14 months:
Provide ample free time to follow his natural inclinations and interests— this means I don’t plan many activities or prepare shelf work— at least not at this point in his development. All of those cute shelfies you see on Instagram aren’t our Montessori reality. If Bruce becomes more interested in going to a shelf and pulling work off, I plan to put effort into providing stimulating choices, but so far, he finds the world around him to be quite enough to explore and discover so I’m following his lead.
Pause— We try to practice this in many ways. It can be tempting to react for the child. He falls and we want to gasp and go to help immediately telling him, You’re okay! Mommy will make it better! Or to interrupt a moment of struggle, Let Daddy do it! We naturally want to explode with praise and celebration when our child achieves something. Good job! Yay! We do our fair share of celebrating with Bruce, but we try to wait for his indication that he wants that connection, rather than interrupting his focus to praise him. That can distract him from his chosen activity and also create an expectation and desire for praise after an accomplishment. We want to foster intrinsic motivation and concentration.
Validate & Acknowledge— This can piggyback off of Pause. Rather than using language that can frame Bruce as helpless or in need of praise, we make statements about what’s happened when he looks to us. You rolled the ball to mama! Now I can roll it back! You lost your balance and you fell. That must have been surprising. Would you like me to help you up or can you do it yourself? Do you need a hug or are you going to keep digging? We try not to swoop in unnecessarily with praise or concern, and instead be there for him as warm, steady guides, ready to jump in and celebrate or help when it feels right, but not constantly bombarding him with overpowering presence.
Keep it simple— Less is more. We try to limit the amount of toys or materials we have out for Bruce at any one time and we keep those toys as simple and passive as possible. That means no light up toys that entertain him (aside from a couple that are musical, touch and play, so he can jam and dance!). We do this because it encourages Bruce to be an active participant in his play, engaging, making connections, and exercising creativity. This also keeps our home environment feeling calmer and easier to clean up!
Play with a purpose— This doesn’t mean we don’t allow Bruce to play just for fun! We really do create an environment conducive to this. What I mean is, we also provide a set-up and materials that are child-sized and give him the opportunity to practice real life skills. To Bruce, this is play, it is fun. He has a mini Swiffer, a functional mini kitchen with running water, a shelf and hooks with his outdoor things accessible for him to explore. Wherever it makes sense to include a child-sized functional space, we strive to do so.
Provide choices whenever possible— We want to help Bruce own his independence and capabilities. This means giving him the opportunity to choose. We started this around 6 months, with his clothes and food (when possible). We’d hold up 2 choices, This or this? and eventually he’d grab or point to one. We now do this in many other areas. Do you want to walk or should I carry you? Would you like to sit at the highchair or the weaning table? Should we read this book or that one? Offering choices is such a simple way to empower your child.
The way we raise Bruce is based on a deep respect for him as a whole person. A large part of the Montessori philosophy is rooted in this truth— that children are miraculous, whole people with great abilities and capacities. This is the part we love. This is the part we strive to honor each day. That’s our Montessori with a side of ish.